*head desk, head desk, head desk*
It's offical. This 2WW sucks.
I don't think I've ever been this anxious in my life. I am boarding on OCD like behaviors, concerning my BBT themomitor. Trying to see if I can get an idea of a reading ahead of time. I am dreaming about it now, and sometimes when I think it's morning.. I'll grab at it half asleep/half awake. Only to wake up slightly, grumble empty handed and turn right back over.
Surely, if my BBT Therm had legs, it would have ran away out of my reach by now. And I'd be trying to persuade it out from under my bed for hours, with either the nearest piece of chocolate. Or another sexier BBT.
I wanna blame this on FF, but it's not FF's fault. They have a "temp" adjuster. So sometimes I'll take my temp around 10pm, write down the reading and see what FF says to adjust. So far it's been off from .02, to .1. Big difference.
But I know if I take it.. and it's 99. something, my temp tomorrow will be in the 80's.
So it does prepare me somewhat, but it also takes away the complete joy, or the complete sadness of just finding out the next day.
I keep going back and forth. I look at my chart.. "it looks good" "no, one big temp drop and I am totally done."
I dont feel pregnant either. Which doesnt mean much if you remember last month, when I did.. and AF came with all her baggage.
M is so excited. He thinks this is it.. and I dont know what to tell him. Try not to hope. He knows that already. I've told him my fears, we could be at this for alot longer than already.
It all looks good on paper, but that doesn't mean anything. The percent is low for couples who try for a year without help.. This makes 2 months, of which there are 10 more to go.
On one hand, since we have a wedding coming up.. if it didn't work out this cycle, that would be fine. I keep trying to tell myself it's probably better that way. But I am just heart sick thinking that it has to be that way. I'd rather give up everything to be pg, then be able to be "free" for my social engagements.
I am driving myself nuts. I have been ever since the predicitor changed from "good" to "high" .